Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Well, I definitely am NOT a blogger by nature based on the time between posts. It must have to become a habit, sort of like writing longhand in a journal, which is actually what I do more of on a daily basis.

In any case, since March, life has definitely sped up! One child graduates in just a few short days. Another child has officially chosen his life partner and become engaged. Both daughters are in pretty serious relationships. Mike is growing and was once again elected class president.

So where does that leave Larry and me? I just recently found a diary I kept for several months right around the time Larry graduated from high school. We are definitely not the same people we were at that time in our lives but the changes have definitely been for the better. But just where do we want those changes to take us in life? Those decisions encompass many areas of life: jobs, extended family we are somewhat responsible for, locale to live, friends, and on the list goes.

It seems right now we are at a 'standstill' but I know that is only from our very earthly perspective. God is always moving in life and time--it's just that we can't see it or even be aware of it as often as we would like.

Have been thinking some about doubt lately. Doubt can be a very polarizing thing--either drawing us closer to God or sending us farther away. One day recently in my devotions, I was struck with a little sequence of 'belief' that could be very helpful for me some day.

My ultimate goal is to believe unwaveringly in such a way that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is for me and with me. I just want to KNOW HIM!!

But when I have a hard time with that, I want to at least be able to say the words, "I trust Him no matter what!" No matter that I can't see which way to go, no matter that I don't want to go the way He goes, no matter that no one else goes with me or even agrees with me...no matter what!

But when even that is hard, I simply need to remember what He has done in the past, either in my life or in the lives of those around me or even in people in His word. He never changes...

It kind of works in reverse order too: if I can remember, then I can trust Him. And if I can trust Him, then I will know Him.

But if I cannot know Him, I can at least trust Him and His word, and even when that is hard, I can remember. I am so thankful for His Word and know that I can't live without constant guidance from it. As I pray for other countries via the book "Operation World" I can hardly believe that there are countries that have such a low literacy rate, not to mention how few languages have been translated into native tongues.

So.........all that to back up to what I was originally writing about. Where does that leave Larry and I, besides trusting that God will lead us as He always has? I need to learn to 'wait well' and not get impatient but instead, make the most of the time that we have. But doing what and going where?? Those are questions that I want to know....but must wait for the answers. It is very exciting to see how the kids are finding God's way--that's what we've prayed for them for so many years. I am now impressed with the whole concept that it's never been about us or about them, but really and truly about the One who made us a family. As the kids have grown older and become independent from us, it is now their responsibility to live in a way that pleases Him. We have tried to build a foundation for them in our somewhat imperfect way that will enable them to do just that, but now they get to build on their own foundation. And thankfully--oh so thankfully--it's never been us really and truly building on it at all. We have just provided the materials that the Master Builder can use, and in the way that only He can, He uses our meager offering and supplies to build a magnificent 'something'--it's different for each person. So Larry and I? We'll just keep doing what we've been doing until God leads us somewhere else. We will strive to know God's heart, trust His plan, and remember what He has done for us in the past. It is what He will do for us, for our children, and for all those that depend on us in some way or other. And I love Him...

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